Confessions of a Middle Aged Project Queen

Wow! This is my 100^th post. I suppose visitors are wondering why a photo of a cluttered room accompanies it. It’s because I feel like a fraud. To stage a pretty photo, I often have to relocate other items somewhere else in my house. Quite frankly, a lot of the time I don’t feel like doing it, even though as a graphic designer, I understand the power of images. Let’s face it. Pretty or compelling photos capture attention. Depending on subject matter, they’re like catnip for creative people, myself included. But as the full-time caregiver of a spouse who has MS, most of the time I have more important things to worry about than trying to pretend my life is perfect.

This is my personal work space. When my older daughter moved out, I moved in. Of course, I had to personalize first by repainting walls in one of my favorite colors, and ripping out the old carpet (hate carpet!) for something much easier to keep clean. While I was doing all this work, dreams of organization filled my head. Everything would be put away. I would know just where something was when I wanted it. Though it pains me to admit it, sometimes my memory needs all the help it can get.

My studio started out organized and clutter-free, when I first moved into this room three years ago. I had sorted through all the project materials I had in the spare room. (Which used to be my space until a man who shall remain nameless squeezed me out with his clutter.) Leftovers, or items that were never used, were donated or went to the school where I worked. I was starting with a clean slate.

I can’t say with any certainty how long the slate stayed clean. Someone once told me they thought I had ADD. (Not a family member.) I do have a tendency for many different projects to be in progress at the same time. Eventually, they get finished. Some just take longer than others. I won’t call it a problem, but ideas seem to constantly flow through my brain. I get so excited about some of them I can’t wait to make them a reality. Especially if I have some really good coupons, or something I want is on sale.

I think I suffer from a split personality. My mom should be pictured in a dictionary next to “organized”. She abhors clutter/dirt and doesn't need a lot of belongings to be happy. I would prefer the majority of my house to be clutter-free/clean, and usually have very tidy work spaces when I’m employed outside the home. My dad, The Project King, has never met a tool he doesn't like. He’s quite skillful when it comes to restoring or transforming junk. If he finds something interesting, he brings it home. I get my project and accumulation genes from my dad. When I start complaining about the mess that’s been allowed to accumulate around the rest of the house, my husband points to my studio as “Exhibit A”. He doesn't understand how I can allow my personal play space to get overwhelmed with stuff, then have the nerve to b—ch about someone else’s clutter issues. I have to admit it’s not the most comfortable personality conflict to possess, but are any of them, really?

It can be distracting, not to mention guilt inducing, to have so many projects waiting to be finished. Sometimes, I feel like I’m being mocked by them. There are many days when I just don’t make it into this room to work on anything.  Still, it’s nice to know they’re available when I find the time for them. Producing tangible things with my hands is my stress reliever. It’s also just who I am.  And with so many projects to choose from, I shouldn't be bored for a very long time. In fact, I may have to live 100 years to finish them.

The Project Queen

This is a small glimpse of my studio when I first moved in.

In my fantasies, I believed it would stay this way forever.

Well, the first step in fixing a problem is admitting you have one. (Supposedly)

As I'm fond of telling others (my husband) knowing and doing are two different things.